The Hairpin's "Texts from Scarlett O'Hara" is magical. It manages to sum up my feelings about Scarlett as a character and Gone With the Wind as a novel in less than a page: both are utterly shallow and rock-stupid. Here's my favorite exchange (between Scarlett and poor, beleaguered Mammy):


mammy r u up

What is it, Scarlett

do we have any of that chocolate stuff left

with the swirls on it

I don’t know, Scarlett

can you check

Honey, I’ll get it for you just as soon as the doctor

lets me get out of bed

He says the typhoid is awfully bad this spring

what even is typhoid

It’s nothing

I’ve got a little touch of it is all

but I’ll be fine, don’t you worry

haha omg ur gonna get so thin

my waist is like nineteen inches already im a whale

listen to me talking about that chocolate stuff

don’t let me have any!!!

All right

ok no but seriously bring me like one jar

just one though

See? I don't know what else Mallory Ortberg has written, but I've decided she's brilliant. Maybe she could sum up some D.H. Lawrence next...?
Posted by: Julianka


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